I’m sure I’ve said it before but it bears repeating… being a parent is really hard.  I think I’ve already posted a couple examples of my mommy fails but it is only when someone I love and trust criticizes my parenting that I really feel like a failure and if I’m being completely honest sometimes all it takes in a “kind” suggestion after a really hard day to feel persecuted (yes I am an admitted drama queen).

Our job as mothers are often thankless in many ways.  Yes, we get love and devotion from some of the sweetest people on the planet, but usually you get that love and devotion when you aren’t being a fabulous mom.  My daughter loves it when I let her have candy right before bed or when I let my son watch Cars 2 on repeat his little face lights up at me.  It doesn’t make me feel good though.

Most days I spend most of my day telling my kids no.  “No you can’t have candy.”  “No you can’t have a new toy.”  “Please stop doing somersaults on the table.”  Then they cry and I feel bad about myself.  I don’t like arguing (and I don’t like being out argued by my four year old whom is way too smart) and I’m not perfect.  I know that I make mistakes on a regular basis.  As far as I’m concerned most of the time criticism isn’t helping anyone; least of all making me a “better” mother.  Maybe the person criticizing feels superior, but in the end, I just feel like a crappy mom.

I have to admit failure every once in awhile.  It keeps me honest.  Here are a couple times I could have been a little more attentive…

1.

This is Sophie digging up one of my basil plants when she was about two years old. I believe I was doing dishes in the kitchen about five feet away from her.

2.

Here's Sophie overfeeding our dog. This was a fail on two levels. One the dog overate before I noticed what she was doing and threw up and two I'm pretty sure Sophie was tasting the dog food.

3.

This on is kind of self explanatory.

4.

Poor Max. I made him a tie and when I put it on him he freaked out. Instead of taking it off I made him wear it until I could get a photo.

So I know the prompt this week is 5 people I treasure most… but that’s pretty self evident/explanatory.  I adore my kids, husband, family, friends, yada yada yada.  If I listed the people I love, you better believe I’d be getting phone calls like this:

Unnamed person who is currently pissed at me: “Hey Jen”

Me:  “Hey UPWICPAM”

UPWICPAM:  “Why am I number 7 on your list?  So and so is number 4!  I thought you loved me best.  At the very least I thought you loved me more than so and so.  Remember the time I did that thing for you, the one we don’t speak of.  I think I deserve at  least number 5.”

Me: “Ummm, beautiful weather we’re having huh (it was snowing yesterday BTW)”

UPWICPAM:  “You suck, just move me off your stupid list because I don’t want to be your friend anymore”

Me: “Ummm, okay, I guess I’ll move number 8 up.  That should make them happy”

Conclusion:  This is why I don’t have friends.

Back to the prompt; I’m going with 5 Things I Treasure Most because inanimate objects only get mad at me in my head and don’t call me and act all pissy.

1.  Diet Coke.  Seriously love me some Diet Coke.  My husband was actually monitoring my Diet Coke consumption at one point because I was drinking so much, like 5 cans a day too much.  Thank God there’s someone looking out for my health because I would live off Diet Coke and sunflower seeds if no one was watching.

2. Amazon.com.  Where else could I buy a trashy romance novel, a new filter for my refrigerator, a birthday present for my nephew and scrapbooking stuff for me.  Love it!

3.  TV, the iPad, Sophie’s Leapster.  I don’t know how moms got stuff done before the advent of electronic babysitters because I can only write this post because my kids are currently watching the Octonauts and don’t even get me started on how I get homework done.

4. My milk glass collection.  It makes me happy.  All my pieces were gifts and I love looking at them and thinking of the friends and family who have remembered my collection and bought me something I love.

5.  My scrapbooks.  Not one of them is done but I love the memories I’m collecting and I hope that one day my kids appreciate the effort put into them.

I entertain more than I’d like to.  Let me explain that statement, I hate cleaning my house and in my head (and my husband’s head) you need a clean house to entertain, so that leads to more vacuuming, dusting, and mopping than I’m comfortable with.  Plus I don’t really like people.

Despite my dislike of cleaning and other human beings, I generally have people over once a week when the man of the house is deployed, and we like to have friends over when he’s actually at home (which is almost never), so I’ve come up with some go to recipes that give you a lot of bang for your buck.  What I mean is they are EASY, usually don’t take a lot of ingredients, and they look PRETTY. In fact this is a menu, you can serve everything on this list and have an awesome dinner party (minus the sandwiches).

1. Crab Canapes:  This is my mom’s recipe, I have no idea where she got it from, but it’s AWESOME

• 1 loaf soft white bread
• 1 can crabmeat
• 1 8 oz package cream cheese(not low fat), softened
• 1 C Mexican cheese or other cheese blend
• 1/4 C thinly sliced green onions
• 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

Cut crusts off bread slices and then cut each slice in half.  Repeat until all bread is used.  Mix crabmeat, cream cheese, mexican cheese, green onions, and Worcestershire sauce together.  Press bread half into well of mini muffin tin and place about a tbsp on crab and cheese mixture on bread.  I use a mini cookie dough scoop.

Bake at 350° for 15 minutes.

Can also be made into crab dip. Omit bread and bake in mixture in small casserole dish for 30 minutes. Serve with crackers.

2.  Hot Chocolate Ramekins:  This is a recipe from a good friend, again I have not idea where it came from.  It’s easy, looks great, and the batter can be made ahead of time and brought to room temperature when ready to cook.

• 2/3 C semisweet chocolate chips
• 1/2 C butter
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 C sugar
• 3 tbsp flourPreheat tin cookie sheet at 400° in oven.  Melt chocolate and butter in microwave at 20, 20, 10 increments. Mix in between until smooth. Let cool.  Whisk eggs, stir in sugar, whisk some more, add flour.  Pour cool chocolate into egg, sugar, flour mixture and mix until smooth.  Pour into ramekins and place on hot cookie sheet  Bake for 15-20 minutes, until toop forms a crust and the center is still gooey.

3.  Sparkling Pink Punch:  A great recipe for a non alcoholic drink to serve at girly parties.  I would add Vodka to this (and then probably drink it all by myself).  I have issues.

• 1 can frozen concentrate passion fruit, guava, and orange juice (or closest approximation) Note:  I’ve found this at Whole Foods, it’s a brand called Hawaii’s Own
• 1 large bottle ginger ale
• 1 lemon

Put frozen juice in pitcher and then follow instructions on can substituing ginger ale for water. Add juice of one lemon. Add ice or chill.  I prefer to add ice as the mixture can is better once it’s diluted a little bit.

4.  Rossi’s Sausage Gnocchi

I LOVE this recipe.  I have made a couple changes to the orginial recipe because we like it a little more saucy (just like me).  I use a 24 oz can of Cento’s San Marzano plum tomatoes and a can of tomato sauce.  I buy my Gnocchi (I don’t make pasta, that’s for crazy Stepford wife homemakers) at the grocery store.  I usually find it in the deli section with the fancy Italian stuff and not in the refrigerated section.  Serve this with some fancy Italian bread from the bakery and a salad and you’re golden.

5. Chicken Curry Tea Sandwich:  My lovely grandmother, who is one of those sweet old ladies who will beat you with a clothes hanger if you cross her (true story, ask my sister), ran a tea/antique shop for several years.  This is my favorite recipe of hers, minus her awesome scones and clotted cream, and it’s pretty easy too.

• 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 2 Tbsp. mayonnaise
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1 Tbsp. sour cream
• 1/4 tsp. curry powder
• 1 green onion, chopped
• cream cheese, softened
• chopped walnuts or almonds
• fresh parsley
• Boil chicken until cooked through and tender.Swirl chicken in food processor, then add next five ingredients, mix until the consistency of pate. Do not over mix.  I like my chicken curry a little chunky and make sure to scrape the sides of the processor periodically.

  Spread cream cheese on bread, crusts removed and cut into flower shape with cookie cutter. Spoon tablespoon of chicken mixture on cream cheese, top with small piece of walnut or almond, and garnish with sprig of parsley.

I’m linking up with Moments That Define Life’s Listable Life.

Numero Uno (I don’t speak Spanish and I might have spelled that wrong, apparently spell check doesn’t speak Spanish either).

Diet Coke and pop tarts.  Breakfast of champions anyone?  Seriously the sugar pounding through my veins after my morning treat makes my day bearable.  Try it, you”ll thank me.  However your ass will not thank me.2.  These little faces.  Everything about them makes my heart sing.  I couldn’t imagine not loving them every minute of every day.

3. A hot bath, a glass of wine, and a trashy romance novel.  And no, I’m not posting a photo of me naked in a bathtub.  This isn’t that kind of blog.

4.  Online shopping.  Not necessarily buying, but I like putting stuff in an online shopping cart, looking at the total and saying “No way”.  There’s something that makes me feel good about saying, I could have bought all that stuff I don’t need, but I put it back.  I’m incapable of doing that at an actual store, but online it’s fun.

5.  Sleep.  Sleep.  More sleep.

5 Things on My Bucket List (ie: Life List, to-do list before you die)

1) Have a white couch.  Can you imagine a white couch in a house with two little kids, two dogs and a fish.  I found Max and a portion of my brown microfiber couch covered in Diet Coke today.  Which, first of all, that’s a terrible waste of Diet Coke, and second, thank God for microfiber.

Can you imgaine my kids destroying this place, because I can.

2. Hire a professional decorator.  My husband, who is a lovely, lovely man I can assure you, always second guesses my decorating.  I’m not sure if he does it on purpose (that man is not above annoying me because he likes my “mad face”) or if he doesn’t have confidence in my abilities.  Plus I have many great qualities, but decorating a house is not one of them.  I would pick her… or her.

3.  Go to Europe.  Travel for weeks.  Get fat on bread and cheese.  Not get made fun of in France for wearing jeans. I’ve always wanted to go to Europe.  I’ve been to Japan and I will say that the chance for travel was one of the attractive qualities of my husband’s job of course we’ve only ever been to Hawaii and Washington State with a short stop in Connecticut.  So glamorous.

4.  Learn graphic and or web design… after I finally get my BA.  Going to school with young kids=not fun.

5.  Get a full night’s sleep.  This I can’t see happening in the near future or maybe ever.  That’s one thing they don’t tell you about having kids.  You will never get a decent stretch of sleep AGAIN.  Sleeping in?  A thing of the past (unless you husband takes pity on you).

Just for giggles:

A Bucket List for Moms

1. An uninterrupted night’s sleep.

2.  To sit down and eat a meal without having to get up 20 times.

3.  To be able finish… anything.  A movie, a nap, a book, even an email.

4.  Peace and quiet.

5.  For the whining to stop, please God.

As far as I’m concerned everyone is a little crazy, and if your first thought was “I’m not crazy”, well you are probably more than a little crazy.

I can be completely nutso.  For example;  I’ve been lusting after these Pottery Barn Valentine’s mailboxes for a couple years.

I really wanted them a couple years ago, but we only had one kid at the time and we weren’t sure how many more kids we were going to have.  So I waited.  I saved a couple tutorials to make my own.  Here’s one that I liked. The reason I decided not to make them was they weren’t that expensive at Pottery Barn (about $25 a piece factoring in tax and shipping) and when I computed time, materials, and effort it was probably a wash in regards to cost. I usually assume I’m making about $10 per hour (I’m not cheap).  Then we had another kid and I wasn’t sure I could rationalize buying two (plus they sold out insanely fast that year).  Fast forward to this year, and Pottery Barn has them again.  I need two and I have a gift card so one will be free.  Deal, right?

Now we’re getting to the slightly unbalanced part… the hubby and I have been discussing whether or not we’re going to have another baby.  Three kids.  My family thinks I’ve lost my mind for wanting a third kid, but whatevs.  There’s pros and cons either way of course.

Cons:  We already have a boy and a girl.  We aren’t out numbered when hubby and I are together (not that that occurs very often).  I get really sick at the beginning of my pregnancy (yuck, barf).  Timing is everything when planning childbirth around deployment schedules.  I’m going to be seriously outnumbered.

Pros:  A BABY!!!! I want one.  I’m already outnumbered most days, what’s one more baby.  Sophie is old enough to be marginally helpful.  My lovely MIL is retired and can come hang out for the first trimester.

It’s a toss up and like I said we’re currently in “discussion mode” on the subject. So back to the Valentine’s chair backer (I almost lost my train of thought).  I bought three.  I had Sophie and Max’s personalized and the third one I left blank.  For the baby I’m not pregnant with and I’m not even sure I’ll ever have.  But if this mythical baby does appear, I’m set with a Valentine’s Chair backer for him/her.

I’m such a FABULOUS mom.  No, but really, I’m a mom and some days I’m good and some days I’m great and some days, well, some days I’m craptastic.  No, seriously, don’t call CPS because I’m not perfect.  Every Friday tune in to find out what super mommy moment I made happen this week…

This one is a doozy.  So Max has been waking up at 5am every morning.  Who even does that.  I don’t think roosters are awake at 5am.  Get this, the kid wants chocolate milk and to watch TV.  He has lost his tiny little mind.

He had a really short nap one day this week and I knew he was still tired, so I put him and Sophie down for a nap in the afternoon.  Except he doesn’t go to sleep, he just sits in his crib and cries, “Help, Mommy, help.”  I’m gonna help him.  So I end up going in there and yelling at him that Mommy is tired, which of course makes him cry harder.  So now I’m exhausted and I feel like shit about myself.

So I pick him up and we go play trucks and have a snack.  I didn’t get my nap. Some days are just plain sucktastic.

So if you haven’t read Fashion Dilemma, read that first so you get what I’m talking about.  I just gave you homework.  Hate me yet?  I have three dresses that made the cut to buy and now I have to decide on one, because I don’t really need three dresses, and the hubby will kill me if I spend that much money on clothes this month.

Excuse the crappy iPhone photos.  A photographer I am not.  That’s why I pay an obscene amount of money for professional photos every year.  Worth. Every. Penny.

Here is goes; with commentary

Let me know which dress you would pick for a work function.  Think business award ceremony, plus you want to look super hot for your husband, and make all the other wives jealous.  Or is it make all the other husbands jealous.  I can never figure that one out.

I’m joining up with Nicole at Moments That Define Life for her Listable Life.  Check her out.

1.  At 22 you are always complaining about how tired you are.  SHUT UP.  You don’t know tired.  You won’t know tired until you’re 28 and up every two hours with a needy infant, and you’re husband is deployed, and you lost all that blood in childbirth, and breastfeeding sucks.  That’s tired.  Oh yeah, and you miss your mommy.

2.  You don’t know this, but at 24, you are smoking hot.  Seriously.  You think you’re fat and you hate your hair, and your thighs, and that little belly fat you have, but wait until you have two kids.  That belly fat is NEVER going to go away. That’s okay though, because at 31 you’re a lot more comfortable with yourself and that’s hot.

3. You think you know love, you think you’re in love, and maybe you are.  But there isn’t any love like what you feel when you hold your babies for the first time and every time after.  It’s a love that makes you stronger than you’ve ever been and weaker.  It will teach you the meaning of “letting go and letting God” because you have to trust that everything will work out and this fragile sweet baby will grow and thrive and become a strong grown woman and man.

4.  Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay.  Learn to like yourself.  Don’t listen to other people when they put you down or reject you.  Learn to be happy with you are, and aren’t.  Don’t change yourself for love.  Cutting little bits of yourself off because your lover doesn’t like them won’t make him like you any better.  In fact he’ll stop respecting you and you won’t resemble the woman he fell in love with anymore.

5.  The last thing I would tell my younger self is this:  It gets better, and then it gets worse and then it gets better again.  The only constant is change.  Roll with the punches.  I’m trying to think of another cliche, but I’ve got nothin’.  Peace Out Bitches!